Metamorphosis...or, keep on slidin

I've been having an interesting journey with music the last 18 months. After playing, writing and performing my entire adult life...I'm tired. 

Actually, let me define that a little more.

I'm not tired of playing on stage, I'm not tired of plugging my guitar in and singing my heart out to an audience, or of having one of those moments when you connect with an audience and you see your song hit their heart in the same way it fell out of yours. I'm not tired of working with a promoter that's passionate and excited about the show and what they, and we, are trying to do. I'm not tired of hearing the awesome stories people share with me or the laughter we share together. I'm not tired of traveling or of meeting new people and going to see a new town, city or community. There's nothing better than witnessing a new community with the locals, seeing it and hearing about it from them firsthand. Knowing that I can perform a song that I have written, that means a lot to me and have it reach into someone else's life & heart and effect them is still an awesome part of this job. 

But, it is that, it's a job. 

Sure it's a passion, but it's a job. 

Sure I feel blessed, but it's a job.

Sure I love performing, but it's a job.

Imagine turning up to your job on a regular basis and your boss telling you that they can't afford to pay you today because they spent too much money on the piece of equipment that you are working on, or the fancy rolling chair you might be sitting on. Imagine being asked, after 20 years of doing your job, that they figured you'd work for free because it's your passion, or you need the exposure, or 'it would just be fun'. (All the while holding a $6 cup of fancy Starbucks coffee in their hand.) 

These days, I'm afraid to say, I see it coming. An email or a phone call usually starts with a bazillion years of background information that moves onto how much I will love it and why. A splash of guilt rendering commentary is thrown in about this fundraising effort or that....and right at this moment, I brave myself, because I know it's coming. (Might I add, any gig that is paid usually goes along these lines: 'we want you, this is how much we will pay you.' End of story.)

'We don't have the funds to pay the artists.'

'we have spent all our available funds on the lighting and sound.'

'All the other artists are playing for free, so....'

'We can pay one act and that act is a band.'

'We never pay our performers and don't need to start now.'

'We are raising funds for ______(insert cause).'

'We are not sure if we are going to have money left after everything else is paid for.'

'This will be awesome exposure (but we're not sure we can spell your name correctly for all the advertising we have purchased.)'

I can't even bring myself to tell you the other things that people have told me about why they need me to play for free.

I always want to have 'that' conversation to ask how they pay their rent...or if they are lucky, mortgage, electricity, phone, internet, food bills. Whether they can afford insurance. I would love to teach a wonderful lesson about why no one else is expected to do a job and not get paid for it, so why should we? 

But I'm tired. 

I'm tired of being asked to play for free. I'm tired of explaining.

I feel the life sucked out of me every time, my heart break just a little more and my resolve to keep playing music whittle down bit by bit. I'm finally starting to realize why people stop playing music and go and get a 'real' job....because a huge chunk of people believe that this ISN'T a real job. 

After 20 years of moving along just like this caterpillar...head down, focused...I feel like this conversation is old. I'm almost tempted to not respond anymore when I'm asked to play for free. But I just don't work that way. So, I pull my big girls socks up and start my reply. 

I think I'm just going to start sending a link to this blog post.....

FYI, You will find me grouchy if you ask me to play for free right now....

Green Card Signings

The Green card contract was finally signed today....it's always a moment of 'gulp' in that it's a lot of money and a lot of work from here on out. Now I am going to be staying put in the US for the rest of the year (a requirement), the doctors appointments have to be booked (funny, after 14 years of living here they require me to have a whole list of vaccinations and want to know if I am physically & mentally sound), the 'marriage' interviews will be scheduled (I use a red toothbrush honey), the pages and pages of supporting evidence will be filled out in double and we will both be signing our information away.

See, gulp, right?

It feels very serious and very adult. I'm so use to going through the motions of my visa every three years that it seems old hat now....but this is a whole other beast. The questions they ask are invasive, the assumptions they make that we are lying about our relationship to obtain a green card are extreme and unnecessary but, here we are. What this means is that I won't need to submit and pay $3000 every three years but my $4000 contribution will give me about 10 years and then after 3 I can move onto citizenship if I want. Of course, because we haven't been legally married for more than 2 years all of this will give me a 'conditional' green card and we will have to go back and have another appointment to prove that we are still together in a years time. You know..incase we were lying.

Sometimes I am over this 'jumping through hoops' but I have done it for so many years now that I'm not going to know what hits me when I move from 'non resident alien' to 'resident alien' and my drivers license, social security # and taxes won't be subjected to extra scrutiny because of my status.

Anyway. As I sit here in our home, with a sweet breeze blowing through our window and my wife sitting across from me creating a new piece of art, I am grateful. So many others have lived lives separated because they haven't legally been able to be with the one they love and this has never been my reality.

Incase you missed it, here is our green card fund from last year and if you are looking for some new art, this might be a way we can help each other. The piece Jamie created for this will never be produced again and you can buy the original or buy a copy of the original here: http://www.gofundme.com/3u4ajs

The Pulling

I'm sitting here as I type, 'oil pulling'. I purposely took a teaspoon of coconut oil, stuck it in my mouth, and have sat here for the last 13 minutes swishing it around in my mouth. 

It feels weird....and big. It's getting bigger in my mouth.....or should I say, the one teaspoon of oil feels like it's about ten right now. 

Yes, yes...I can hear you. 

Why am I doing this? 

Well, it's one of those 'things'. You know, those 'things' you read about that reasonate with you and you feel like you need to try. Supposedly the health benefits of oil pulling are many but it's a pity the thought of sky diving didn't reasonate with me because that sounds far more exciting than this does. 

I have four minutes to go now.not that I'm counting, really. I like the taste of coconut, I can feel the liquid increasing in my mouth as all the studies said it would...so, you know, it's doing something...right? I will report back in a few weeks and tell you. Of course, this is providing I remember to do it every day...that might be the trick. 

We are back in the USA, back in our home, in our bed. I love travelling, I miss Australia already, but there's nothing better than my bed and my own space. I have been outside since the morning after we got back mowing the lawn, removing remnants of winter, making pallet gardens and getting ready to plant vegetables. It's how I am keeping myself awake and how I am trying to get my feet planted back in this ground. 

20 minutes is up. Time to spit out. 

XM