We say many things...

(Photo by Jamie Locke)

So, tomorrow night here in Sydney I am performing a song at an event called 'Women Say Something' at the Sydney Town Hall, which proudly flies the rainbow flag for Pride.  There will be 16 panelists, myself and another performer at the event doing their 'thing'. An awesome list of panelists being interviewed, 500 guests eating dinner. It's the night before Sydney Pride and you know, an awesome event. 

I'm nervous. 

Here's the weird thing. I'm not so much nervous about performing....it's one song and I finally picked the one song (which was super hard to do) and I'm solid on the song. I'm nervous about other things. I'm nervous about what I am going to wear. Feeling uncomfortable in my body after a winter of laziness and I feel nervous about not wearing 'cool enough' clothes and I'm nervous about who we are sitting with at dinner and if I will have interesting things to say. 

It's my introvert coming out. 

The part of me that feels unsure and quiet and not into 'small' talk. Also the part of me that struggles with my inner critic...the voice that tells me off for not exercising or eating one too many Tim Tams (mmm....Tim tams) and then reminds myself that I am perfect just the way I am. Before I break into 'Red Dust Earth' I'm going to talk about 'our stories' and the importance of them in the world and how every part of our story has made us who we are today. 

This is part of my story, and how I stand in the world. The introverted, feeling chunky, wonderful part of me that gently soothes my own heart and whispers reminders into my ear about not judging myself for how I look. And the part of me that just wants to say 'fuck that shit' and just enjoy it all. 

Onward we go. Sometimes a little more quietly than other times. 

xxM

Ocean Loving

We drove to the ocean yesterday ...the perfect thing to do when you've been on a plane for 19+ Hours and feel a general crappiness for that fact. We drove through the National Park and found our way to Garie Beach and we all just stood in the water and breathed a sigh of relief. I miss the ocean almost everyday. It brings such apace and a deep feeling of happiness that words often fail to describe. We are yet to actually swim but I have always considered the ocean to be my healier. The place I can go and feel everything be washed from me, inside and out. 

More soon.

Xmas

Ps...I failed to share the story of us buying a large bottle of Baileys in the duty free shop at the airport only to have TSA take it away from us because they considered it a suspicious liquid. They ran it through their special 'we're going to fuck with all the tourists' machine 5 times and the guy looked at me and apologized for having to do it and then confiscated it. Serious bull shit!!! 

Here we go.....

I've missed blogging. I've missed writing consistently. So, this is my new attempt. I just found my old blog filled with pages and pages of posts that span a whole year of my life. I miss that documenting. Truth is, it hasn't been easy to integrate it into my new website and everytime I did, I didn't like the look of it...so I gave up. This time, I'm just trying not to give a fuck and just write. The design will come later.

This is what is happening in my life today. Jamie and I am packed and heading back to Australia for two months. That's a lot of stuff. I get nervous with that much stuff. Infact, I have this weird anxiety thing around the whole process of getting to the airport & checking in. My flying life has NEVER been as easy as turning up to the airport with one easy bag. Never. My experIence with airports has always consisted of too many bags, fragile instruments and worrying about excess baggage and overages. Many times on my life I have had to open everything up and repack because I'm a pound over weight. Now, because I know myself better, I weigh everything before I leave home. 

But, I still worry. 

I want to worry less in my life. My sweet wife looks at me with love on her eyes and shakes her head at me. She's one of those lucky humans who just believes everything will be okay. That thrills me and annoys the shit out of me all at once. But that's a blog post for another day..

Here we go. Blogging and traveling...all at once. 

Xm

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