Metamorphosis...or, keep on slidin

I've been having an interesting journey with music the last 18 months. After playing, writing and performing my entire adult life...I'm tired. 

Actually, let me define that a little more.

I'm not tired of playing on stage, I'm not tired of plugging my guitar in and singing my heart out to an audience, or of having one of those moments when you connect with an audience and you see your song hit their heart in the same way it fell out of yours. I'm not tired of working with a promoter that's passionate and excited about the show and what they, and we, are trying to do. I'm not tired of hearing the awesome stories people share with me or the laughter we share together. I'm not tired of traveling or of meeting new people and going to see a new town, city or community. There's nothing better than witnessing a new community with the locals, seeing it and hearing about it from them firsthand. Knowing that I can perform a song that I have written, that means a lot to me and have it reach into someone else's life & heart and effect them is still an awesome part of this job. 

But, it is that, it's a job. 

Sure it's a passion, but it's a job. 

Sure I feel blessed, but it's a job.

Sure I love performing, but it's a job.

Imagine turning up to your job on a regular basis and your boss telling you that they can't afford to pay you today because they spent too much money on the piece of equipment that you are working on, or the fancy rolling chair you might be sitting on. Imagine being asked, after 20 years of doing your job, that they figured you'd work for free because it's your passion, or you need the exposure, or 'it would just be fun'. (All the while holding a $6 cup of fancy Starbucks coffee in their hand.) 

These days, I'm afraid to say, I see it coming. An email or a phone call usually starts with a bazillion years of background information that moves onto how much I will love it and why. A splash of guilt rendering commentary is thrown in about this fundraising effort or that....and right at this moment, I brave myself, because I know it's coming. (Might I add, any gig that is paid usually goes along these lines: 'we want you, this is how much we will pay you.' End of story.)

'We don't have the funds to pay the artists.'

'we have spent all our available funds on the lighting and sound.'

'All the other artists are playing for free, so....'

'We can pay one act and that act is a band.'

'We never pay our performers and don't need to start now.'

'We are raising funds for ______(insert cause).'

'We are not sure if we are going to have money left after everything else is paid for.'

'This will be awesome exposure (but we're not sure we can spell your name correctly for all the advertising we have purchased.)'

I can't even bring myself to tell you the other things that people have told me about why they need me to play for free.

I always want to have 'that' conversation to ask how they pay their rent...or if they are lucky, mortgage, electricity, phone, internet, food bills. Whether they can afford insurance. I would love to teach a wonderful lesson about why no one else is expected to do a job and not get paid for it, so why should we? 

But I'm tired. 

I'm tired of being asked to play for free. I'm tired of explaining.

I feel the life sucked out of me every time, my heart break just a little more and my resolve to keep playing music whittle down bit by bit. I'm finally starting to realize why people stop playing music and go and get a 'real' job....because a huge chunk of people believe that this ISN'T a real job. 

After 20 years of moving along just like this caterpillar...head down, focused...I feel like this conversation is old. I'm almost tempted to not respond anymore when I'm asked to play for free. But I just don't work that way. So, I pull my big girls socks up and start my reply. 

I think I'm just going to start sending a link to this blog post.....

FYI, You will find me grouchy if you ask me to play for free right now....